Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Me and New Year's Don't Mix

I kinda dread New Year's Eve every year.  It seems like the best laid plans always get thrown by the wayside and NYE instead ends up with a giant clusterfuck of a problem.  As a matter of fact, the only year that I can remember having a NYE that was good was 2007/2008 when I was in Vegas and I went on the biggest heater of my life playing $100/hand blackjack.  Now THAT was a good NYE.

I could literally tell you about 15 "wow my NYE got really screwed up" stories...the worst one was probably the year that my friend John and I got stood up by the guy we were supposed to hang out with (who was 21...we were not).  So after getting stood up, we decided that it would be a good idea to drive to Canada, where we could legally drink, and then spend some time at Casino Niagara.  I think this was NYE 1997/1998.  Everything went to plan until we got in a serious car accident in the middle of nowhere after running into a Buffalo storm on the way home the next day.  Car got totaled, we almost got totaled....I guess the good news is that both John and I are still alive.  LOL

And, so, I should not be surprised when my NYE this year looks like it will be spent stuck in Vancouver with my mom who does not drink.  :p



Friday, December 25, 2009

April, Come She Will

April, come she will

When streams are ripe and swelled with rain;

May, she will stay,

Resting in my arms again.

June, she'll change her tune
In restless walks she'll prowl the night;

July, she will fly,

And give no warning to her flight.


August, die she must

The autumn winds blow chilly and cold;

September I'll remember.

A love once new has now grown old.

~Simon and Garfunkel




I still owe a WPBT review.  It is forthcoming.  

In the meantime, I've had these thoughts about life swimming around in my head pretty much ever since Vegas.  I want to record them so I can remind myself of this step on my journey, and when times in the future may not seem quite so rosy. 

[Warning: brutal honesty ahead...]

The past few years have been pretty bad for me.  Supposedly, divorce is one of the most traumatic life events one can go through, and mine was not even that bad.  However, there was a lot of stuff leading up to it, and a lot of stuff after it that was a lot worse than negotiating the actual divorce.  

But what is a bad year, really?  A bad day might be you waking up on the wrong side of bed, being cranky, getting some bad news and dwelling on it.  But a bad year?  At that point, it's time to take some responsibility and admit that at least part of it might be your own fault, or at least your own attitude and choices.  That maybe you should stop seeking short-term fixes to long-term problems.

I have always thought of myself as a supremely independent person.  I like to do things my way.  I like to do things without help...even at times when it would really benefit me to swallow some pride and ask for some.  The past few years I've come to realize that I never really knew what independence was.  I went from pretty much being my parents' child to being my ex-husband's wife.  I never learned how to cope with some of the stresses of life by myself.  I always had someone there to help me.  The past year especially has been a bit rocky as I have learned to live more independently...how to find happiness from within myself, instead of happiness in others.  After six months of really and truly living alone without another person as my crutch, I think I've finally started to find some of that independence.  Happiness within myself.  Acceptance of being alone instead of always running from it. 

The low point in the past year was most definitely New Year's Eve 2008/2009.  I spent most of that night crying, and I was so seriously depressed that I literally had to be pulled out of bed.  I bailed on a New Year's Party that I paid $200 to attend because I couldn't get myself in the shower, let alone into formal wear.  From that night and over the course of the year I (re)learned the lesson that some people who you think might be your friends might not actually be there for you when the chips are down.  I'm definitely ending 2009 with a different group of people I consider to be my closest friends, but you know what?  They were the people who were there for me over some difficult times.  They were the people who stepped up when I had the courage to say "I need help" instead of the people who ran away or outright said no.  Most importantly, I've learned to ask for help when I need it and not fear getting "no" as an answer.  So many things have gone wrong in my life over the past two years and I've gotten through every single one of them.  The sun still rises the next day, and I am still here in one piece.  I have new-found confidence that I *can* get through whatever life throws at me.  Confidence that, even alone, I'm going to be OK, because I learned how to be there for myself.  I can pick up my own pieces and put them back together for myself.  And, more importantly, I've really come to understand that some of these problems have been my own fault (or at least exacerbated by my own actions).  As someone said to me: "when your hand gets sucked out on, yeah it sucks, but if you played it terribly, you have yourself to blame too."  AMEN.

So, the past week, I've been reflecting on all of this, and I'm feeling really good about my future, and really positive about my life, even though I don't have a job, and don't have a lot of direction right now.  I'm feeling so much better about myself as a person, and I think most of that has to do with the fact that I've found new confidence in my own abilities.  I know I can face and survive pretty much anything life can throw at me, so an unknown future is a lot less unnerving.

How's that for some brutal honesty?

Happy almost 2010, peeps.  I hope it's a good one for all of us.  But if it's not, know that I am prepared to be there for those of you who got me through 2009.  And I'm prepared to be there for myself too.  :)



Wednesday, December 9, 2009

WPBT!

Well, I'm sitting in the airport waiting to get on my flight out to Vegas for the WPBT.  I missed check in on my actual flight by 5 minutes, but ended up getting rebooked on a direct flight which is fine with me.  I was just chatting with @bmorebilly and he said: "Don't use up all your run good at the airport!" Yeah, I hope I don't! 

But I am treating this trip like a vacation and not a work trip, so I'm hoping to have fun no matter how I'm running at the tables. 

I've been a poker blogger forever, but just met up with Al at the Borgata Winter Open this past January.  From there I met people during the Series like CK, Jen, and Dan.  I'm looking forward to meeting people like April and Maigrey, who I've talked to on twitter for the better part of a year, for the first time.

And, well, my parents read this blog so I'll keep the rest out of here and on my twitter feed, but I'm slightly nervous that I might not be able to hang with the likes of Al for 5 days.  24 hours?  Yes, no problem.  5 days.... wow.  Wish me luck.  LOL



Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Sets are a good hand, right?

The last time I was set over setted in either direction was in May at Harrahs. I had a higher set over the guy to my immediate left. An orbit later, I had middle set to Travis' top set and lost the biggest pot I'd ever lost until a few weeks ago. I could've folded that hand. I almost did.



I haven't seen either side of set over set since then until my birthday last week. I had a set of aces and a set of jacks run down by open ended draws. The coup de grace was having a set of 8s vs a set of 9s on a 9-high flop shortly thereafter. I left with my tail between my legs.



Today has been terrible for me and sets. Flopped a set of kings earlier and doubled. Then I lost some of that profit when I flopped a set of 7s and got flushed. Shortly thereafter, I flopped a set of 9s on a flushy straighty board and bailed when they both got there on the turn and the betting got really heavy. Turns out I was against a flush and another guy who hit the straight. Got away from that one for $30.



Now I'm at the Borgata. Flopped the nut flush against the second nut flush and doubled, only to ship all the profit when I was on the losing side of set over set again on an A96 flop (6s vs 9s).



Sometimes poker is so brutal.