A male friend of mine started the conversation by telling me how men are stupid, and I should stay away from them if I value my sanity. And then he proceeded to hit on me.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
I can feel the hamster running in my head
What do I want? This is a very good question. Someone asked me this recently and I have no idea (well, I have a macro idea, but not a micro idea...that is, I know what I want, big-picture wise, but on the specifics, ya got me). I know what I feel that I want, but then I wonder if the reason I want that is due to a current lack of security, feeling of rejection, sense of total loneliness. I wonder if the reason I want that is the nostalgia trap, and remembering the good without the bad. I wonder, I wonder, I wonder...myself into circles.
To late to turn back now, regardless of what I want, so, might as well look forward.
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Ani DiFranco says it so well
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
and I'm beyond your peripheral vision
so you might want to turn your head
cause someday you're going to get hungry
and eat most of the words you just said
both my parents taught me about good will
and I have done well by their names
just the kindness I've lavished on strangers
is more than I can explain
still there's many who've turned out their porch lights
just so I would think they were not home
and hid in the dark of their windows
til I'd passed and left them alone
and god help you if you are an ugly girl
course too pretty is also your doom
cause everyone harbors a secret hatred
for the prettiest girl in the room
and god help you if you are a pheonix
and you dare to rise up from the ash
a thousand eyes will smolder with jealousy
while you are just flying back
I'm not trying to give my life meaning
by demeaning you
and I would like to state for the record
I did everything that I could do
I'm not saying that I'm a saint
I just don't want to live that way
no, I will never be a saint
but I will always say
squint your eyes and look closer
I'm not between you and your ambition
I am a poster girl with no poster
I am thirty-two flavors and then some
And I'm beyond your peripheral vision
So you might want to turn your head
Cause someday you might find you're starving
and eating all of the words you said
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Trying to explain a technical passion to others
How do you do it? Is it even possible? The things that make our passion exciting to us are hard to translate to people who haven't felt the things we feel. Among poker players, for example, it is hard to explain the soul-sucking defeat of having two outs or the absolute elation of playing a hand such that you get your opponent to put in their stack with only two outs. The non-technical translation ("That's a really good thing!") or even the somewhat technical translation ("Mathwise, I am a 90+% favorite.") really doesn't cut it. It's just one of those things that's hard to explain to others who haven't been in the trenches.
Travis recently tried to explain such a situation on his blog, and to be honest, even as someone who would like to think that she gets the game, I found his post rather boring to read (apologies, Trav). I think that has something to do with the passion. It's hard to translate that to people who don't love the game.
I manage to still have some people in my life that don't "get" poker. Even if they inquire about my play, I have learned to KISS (keep it simple, stupid) cause otherwise they get a glazed over look on their faces. Similar, I imagine, to how I felt the first time I tried to read Sklansky's "Theory of Poker."
I wish there was a way to translate the passion to people. If someone figures it out, let me know.
Saturday, July 11, 2009
Things I have lost
teeth
my Star Wars action figures
sleep
temper
my favorite little black dress i bought when we went to boca
money
my eyebrow
toenail(s)
moles
the contents of my stomach
hands of poker with the best hand
hands of poker with the worst hand
pets
grandparents
a husband
friends
innocence
sanity