You don't get me because you're not (fill in the blank)

It was brought to my attention that I have been letting this space die.  And it's true.  I haven't been doing it purposefully.  Quite frankly, I've had a lot of great adventures in the last half of 2010.  But I'm lazy, and I also don't want my parents to read some of that stuff (Hi Mom and Dad!).  ;)

I've been thinking about some stuff lately that is shockingly world appropriate.  And I was nagged to start writing in this space again.  So here I am. 

When I was in my MA program, I concentrated pretty heavily on bureaucracy.  Within the bureaucracy literature, there is a debate as to whether one needs to be "like" someone in order to accurately and adequately represent their views and desires.  This is the old "you need to walk a mile in my shoes before you get me" argument.  When I first found this argument, my gut reaction was to say "no, of course not."  After all, if you need to be exactly like someone to represent them, the whole idea of Democracy is probably flawed.  However, the more I contemplate this, the more I wonder if it's not true.

Thoughts welcomed.

Judgment and Societal Norms

I've been very delinquent posting here recently.  I've been running around with sporadic internet access lately and that's part of it.  The other part is that a lot of the interesting stuff in my life is not necessarily public appropriate.  I also think it's probably pretty boring to read about the stuff that is public appropriate.  At any rate, I digress.

I'm back in MD after an extended period away.  I've been catching up on conversations with a lot of friends.  It might not surprise you to know that many of my friends live "alternative" lifestyles, considering I myself live an alternative lifestyle in some ways (though I tend to think of myself as pretty normal).  For whatever reason, several of these recent conversations have centered on societal norms.  I've been doing a lot of thinking about the subject.

Why the hell are so many of these norms still "normal" in this day and age?  I'm not talking about societal norms that exist for obvious reasons.  I mean, it seems pretty clear why murder is inappropriate in any society that expects to function.  That is clearly a rational norm.  But what about other things?

In one conversation, the topic that jump-started confusion over norms was marriage.  Two of my friends who have an unconventional relationship recently got married.  The decision to legally formalize their relationship had more to do with legal practicalities than anything else; they are not the kind of people who need to follow the expected conventional path in terms of marriage.  Nor did they have a traditional wedding, reception, etc.  For some reason, this seems to bother many people they know.  Why?  Why would this have any bearing on other people?  It doesn't.  And yet other people seem to feel the need to interject judgment on them for not doing it the "right" way.  This behavior eludes me.  Why does it matter if someone does all the traditional stuff?  How two people choose to live their life together is really only relevant to the two people involved.  So what if YOU want a traditional wedding...are you so unwilling to accept that not everyone might want the same things you do?

In another conversation, I was discussing the fact that I am not a traditional romantic.  Don't get me wrong, I love romance, but what most people think of as "romance" is not me.  I don't need a big engagement ring or elaborate proposal.  As a matter of fact, I'd rather have the proposal be private than some big public declaration of the intent to marry.  And as for the ring, it seems like there are better things to spend money on than a piece of bling.  I don't need material gifts.  I'd much rather celebrate special ocassions by, you know, actually spending time with the people I love.  Spending time is more important to me than material goods.  And yet so many people seem to think it means you don't love them if you don't buy someone roses on Valentine's day (I'd rather have you buy me Gerber daisies on a random day when you know I'm in a bad mood).  Why do people judge other couples as "not in love" if they don't all engage in the accepted relationship practices?  I have yet to figure this out.  How the heck do you know what two people feel for each other or what is meaningful to them?  Is it so hard to understand that people might be different?

I was very much raised to think that adults should be able to do their own thing.  People celebrate life, death, happiness, and sadness in different ways.  People grieve differently.  Why should I force my understanding of any of these concepts on you?  I'm so happy my family looks at life with this attitude.  You don't want to come to so and so's funeral because you want to grieve alone?  Great.  No one is going to judge you.  Let us know if you need anything.  No one that I care about is going to get snippy because I chose not to have a garter toss at my wedding, but hey, if you want to do that at your wedding, I'm not going to look down on you.  Do your own thing.  Do what is important to you.

There are so many important things in the world.  Life and death things.  Perhaps the world would be a better place if people focused more on the important things and less on the bullshit.  Perhaps people should focus more on what is important to those who they care about than what society thinks those people should or should not be doing.

This is one of those things that I don't think I'm ever going to get.  There seem to be a lot of those things, and most of them have to do with social traditions and norms that do not seem to be based on any kind of rationality.

Adventure 2010

I can't even remember the first time I was on a boat.  Supposedly, my mom was on my grandparents' boat when she was pregnant with me, so it must've been early on in my life.

When growing up, summers were spent in one of two places: Michigan with my cousins, or on the Pacific Ocean on my grandparents' sailboat, the Ilikai II, a Panda 40. 

Eventually my grandparents' sold their boat, and for a few years, our boating adventures were limited to charters.  Then, two years ago, there was the debacle that was my Dad buying a boat while my Mom was out of town (they got out of it).  Finally, last year, they ended up getting a great price (yay faltering economy) on a Grand Banks 42 Classic, Change of Latitude.

In 2009 I spent about 5 weeks on Change of Latitude; 3 in the Summer and 2 in the Winter.  And now I'm headed back for round 2.  Will be aboard COL from July 15th-August 3rd.  Expect many pictures when I return.  Before that, you can follow progress at the blog my dad finally set up here.  And if you are curious, you can follow my Aunt and Uncle's trip around the world in their catamaran here.

Hermiting

People who know me well know that I am actually quite a private person.  Sure, I'm loud and make inappropriate jokes when in a crowd, but I tend to hold the important things close to my heart, without letting many people know the depths of my feelings or emotions.  Especially the things that are important to me.  I don't like to feel so vulnerable.  Vulnerable is scary.  Vulnerable is also why I've been super-moody for the past several weeks.  So please accept my apology if I've blown you off recently.  Or ignored your IM, or phone call.  I've kinda just felt like being alone.  Things need to be taken care of on the home front, and I'm hoping being relatively incommunicado from the world on a boat for a few weeks will help with that.  Cheers.

Nostalgia

Can hardly wait til December.  :D

(photo by the ever talented Tim Whims)

I <3 Princess Leia

I so totally remember this moment.  We were on Cannon Beach, in Oregon.  Flying kites (obv).  Perfect day for it as it was really windy.  Of course, my hair kept getting in my face, despite the pink barrettes my mom had in my hair.  lol

Yes, I Have a Strangely Awesome Family

I credit my parents for my love of learning.  I have always been inquisitive (others might say downright nosy).  I was that nerdy kid that actually read through the dictionary, and several volumes of Encyclopedia Britannica.  After accomplishing those lofty goals, I saw fit to read the entirety of the 92.x section (biographies) in our local library.  And after that, I tended to get rather obssess-y about different periods in history, reading everything I could about it, and then moving on to another time period.  Somewhere in there, I also managed to read both Old and New Testament of the Bible.  Strange considering my family is, at best, agnostic.  Good thing I am a quick reader.

In elementary and middle school, probably in an attempt to keep me and my already rather ADD-self from getting bored, my Dad started giving us challenges.  He'd ask us a question and we had to come up with the answer before dinner the next day.  They were generally mini-research projects.  I thought this was awesome.  (See, I told you I was a very abnormal child).  (FTR, this is also probably why I am so good at trivia).

My immediate family only gets together 2-3 times/year if we are lucky these days.  My sister has a work schedule that keeps her fairly busy on most holidays and my dad travels a lot for work.  Generally the four of us only get together for a day at Thanksgiving and a few days at Christmas.  This year, we all managed to coordinate a week on my parents' boat as well.  The last time my sister and I were on a boat together with my parents was 2004?  2002?  Awhile ago, at any rate.

So, in order to make the most of our time together, my dad sent out an email today suggesting that we do theme nights.  He suggested a few ideas, mostly relating to old family traditions, and asked for other ideas.  My sister suggested a quiz night about stuff related to the boat.  Hmmmmmm... I might need to study up.  Sounds like another research project to me.  ;)